Ah, the dreaded question. Let’s face it, unless you’ve got a decent amount of funds and not much in the way of responsibiliy, most people’s lives are as dull as fuck. I know mine is, anyway. It’s questions like these that the sarcastic cunt within me lives for. I pretty much always give a random answer along the lines of ‘I like knitting, kicking pigeons and watching hardcore pornography’. Actually, the hardcore pornography bit is legit (idea for another post there. Nice one, Kim). 9 times out of 10 the question gets forgotten about. What else am I meant to say? I don’t really have any hobbies or interests. That sounds fucking tragic when I type it, but in general, it isn’t a massive issue. I mean, I know I said I was bored in my intro, but I meant bored with my routine and circumstances rather than sitting at home staring at the walls. I could literally spend the whole day drinking brews, while thumb fucking my phone browsing social media. I never get bored. The boredom stems from needing a new outlet, a new routine, somewhere to focus my shit.
Anyway, I digress, where the fuck was I? Ah yeah, no hobbies or interests. I mean, I like reading, which I quite often do, but having reading as an interest isn’t setting the world alight or getting me a shag on Tinder. Same again with watching box sets. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll smash a 10 episode series in one day and consider it a day of productivity, but that isn’t really a valid interest, in my opinion. That’s it. Well, there’s masturbating, I suppose, which would probably serve me alright on Tinder, to be fair. There are a fair few people out there who have shit they enjoy and they do on the regular (keys of ket and shots don’t count. I knew you were thinking it). Actual bona fide hobbies. Shit you could whack on a job application or your CV with a feeling of pride because you’re a fully functioning adult. I’ve got a mate that plays netball once a week, another who got into face painting (she’s now making a pretty lucrative business out of it), my old dear makes jewellery. Then there’s little old me, taking my kid to school, picking him up, going to work, the occasional trip to the co-op, where they may as well all be wearing masks, the robbing bastards. All this peppered with large periods of sitting around on my couch, browsing Instagram and writing ranty Facebook status’. This is the extent of my existence (all together now ‘awwwww’). I know I’m not alone, I fucking hope not anyway.
So, I’ve been thinking recently as my Facebook status’ are becoming less fulfilling because I want to write more, but I’m acutely aware that most people only browse Facebook and they don’t have time to read big fuck off rants. I figured I needed a new outlet, somewhere I could write down as much shit as I wanted. Ah, blogging. Why the fuck not? I’m still not sure if it can be considered a decent hobby or pastime or leisure interest (might as well just chuck a couple of synonyms for hobby in there for a laugh), not when every other wanker online is kayaking, mountain climbing or taking selfies in the mirror at the gym with the flash still on (Tinder post pending), but it’s definitely something for me to do for fun, a reason not to get off the couch, an excuse to ignore the housework and my kid, an excuse not to socialise, all while appearing to be a lot more interesting than I actually am. What do you do for fun? Shoutout if it’s fuck all, like me. Come over, we should hang out.